The Muskrat's Sad Panda
2010 NCAA FBS Football Computer Rankings
Presented by Denis Rosenberg       Powered by Singing Gerbils
                       
9-Oct-10
Sad Panda Rankings
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The Sad Panda is very, very sad.
The Sad Panda wanted to prove a point.
The Sad Panda wanted everyone to understand.
The Sad Panda felt the Pandamerican community became passive.
The Sad Panda received no feedback from the Washington St. comeback
The Sad Panda refused to wear the Adidas True Blue Garanimal-like outfit.
The Sad Panda received very few requests to change into the outfit during the game.
The Sad Panda changed into the outfit only after Mrs. Panda offered special Panda favors.
Mmmm, special Panda favors!
Cal was leading 28-0 when the Sad Panda changed into the outfit.
Results:
Cal wins 28-0 without the outfit haning on the Altar
Ties 7-7 with The Sad Panda wearing outfit
However, The Sad Panda failed you, failed the UCLA Bruins. Failed America.
The Sad Panda failed to wear the complete outfit. The outfit includes:
Adidas True Blue Garanimal-like Shirt
Adidas True Blue Garanimal-like Shorts
Adidas True Blue Garanimal-like Baseball Cap
New Balance Shoes
The cologne used in the making of the Exorcism's holy water
The Sad Panda failed to wear the New Balance Shoes and the cologne used in the making of the Exorcism's holy water.
The Sad Panda will wear the COMPLETE outfit
Had The Sad Panda worn the complete outfit, who knows what the final score would have been.
Fear not my Pandalicious minions, The Sad Panda will wear the complete outfit against Oregon on Thursday 10/21/10.
Thanks again to Mrs. Panda!!!!
Sad Panda Bottom Ten
1. Buffalo Carolina 49ers 0-15
2. State of New Mexico 1-10 (#120 New Mexico & #115 New Mexico State - whose only win came against New Mexico) 
3. Private Schools with 4 letter names 1-9 against FBS schools (#111 Rice, #109 Duke)
4. Michigan Directional Schools 2-13 (#118 Eastern Michigan, #86 Central Michigan, #85 Western Michigan)
5. UCLA for the current & last decade
6. Florida 3 letter schools 2-8 against FBS schools (#103 FAU, #92 FIU)
7. The State of Tennessee 5-15 against FBS schools (#113 Memphis, #102 Middle Tennessee, #87 Tennessee, #72 Vanderbilt)
8. USC for the next decade
9. Ohio Schools without Brutus as a mascot 13-32  (#119 Akron, #105 Marshall, #101 Bowling Green, #98 Kent St.,
     #84 Miami, #82 Ohio, #80 Toledo, #72 Cincinnati)
10. Louisiana Schools not named LSU 5-12 against FBS schools (#108 Louisiana Monroe, #97 Tulane,
     #96 Louisiana Tech, #94 Louisiana Lafayette)
A reminder that the Extended Tax Return deadline is this Friday, October 15.
Poor Texas - No Respect from the Panda
Every team with a Bye this past week moved up in The Sad Panda's computer rankings, except:
Buffalo, who dropped one spot ,and
The University of Texas Longhorns who dropped 7 SPOTS. Hmmm, I wonder which team Texas lost to that pulled an EL
   FLOPPO DEL STINKO against Cal on Saturday. Losing to UCLA, the gift that keeps on giving!
Speaking of Buffalo... Football in Buffalo, CATCH IT (like the plague). #95 University of Buffalo is 1-3 against FBS
competition & the Buffalo Bills are 0-5; they haven't been competitive since Orenthal J. Alleged Murderer chopped up
opposing defenses.
2-Oct-10
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The History:
Bruins Lose
Bruins Lose
Panda Performs Exorcism
Bruins Win
Bruins Win
Panda suspended for Washington St.
Pando not in uniform
WSU Leads by 8 points
Panda puts on uniform
Panda Blogs that Bruins will win by 2 touchdowns
Bruins beat WSU by 2 touchdowns
Why are there still doubters of the Power of the Panda? The Panda has been asked to take his talents to USC, where his
talents are better appreciated.
Why was the Panda suspended? On advice by legal counsel, I will not comment publicly, but:
I'm trying to break my dependence on Ding Dongs
It's not my Whizzinator
I swear she said she was 18
It couldn't be me. Buttcrack is whack!
I have a prescription, several in fact
I was doing research for my next role
I swear she didn't look like a dude
I thought it was gum
I swear those aren't my pants
I was being a good Samaritan. It's not the first hooker I've helped out
I was just having fun, pretending to be a horse
That's not what I do. I consider myself a youth activist
I had really bad menstrual cramps
Click on the Wk 10-2-10 tab below for the rankings
25-Sep-10    
The Panda was very afraid yesterday; not of the Texas Longhorns - although they would take the blame. Nope. the Panda
was very afraid about the bet he agreed to on Friday night after an incredible meal at Eddie V's. The Panda was feeling no
pain. The Panda was feeling no sense of fear. The Panda can be an idiot, especially inebriated on 6th Street in Austin.
66-3 was running through the Panda's inebriated, Birthday conscience.
Had UCLA capitalized on all of the Texas turnovers, UCLA would / could have scored at least 56 points which would have
been dangerously close. Dangerously close to what?
Austin's 6th Street District has Bars & Bars & Restaurants & Bars & Tattoo Parlors. Lots of tattoo parlors. The Panda and
his Minion agree to all get tattoos saying 66 if UCLA scored 66 points. Of course, the Panda agreed to get his 66 tattoo on
his scrotum.
Hookem Horns!!!
UCLA's Record for Games Played on September 25:
5-5-1 All-Time
4-2    Since the Birth of the Panda
3-1    Since the Panda was a UCLA Student
The Bruins have not played a home game on September 25 since The Panda was a UCLA Student and only one since his
birth (1976)
September 25 Games since Panda Student-hood:
1982 UCLA Victory over Michigan 31-27, after trailing 21-0 in Ann Arbor
1993 UCLA Victory over Stanford 28-25 in Palo Alto
1999 UCLA Lost to Stanford 42-32 in Palo Alto
2010 Panda Lost Virginity in Austin (Finally!!!)
As the Panda's Father said, "Now we know why Texas didn't want to join the Pac 10."
Other Texas beliefs:
Texas has the World's Most Famous Mascot, Bevo 14. Personally, I think Bevo 9 was much more tender and properly
marbled.
Texas has THE SHOWBAND OF THE SOUTHWEST. Their marching band has quite a superlative, considering they seem
to only play at pre-game & half time. Music (mostly Rock) blasts over the PA along with UT related commercials on video
board.
Instead of having their Big XII conference logo on the field, Texas uses a Texas XII logo, only proving that the Big 12 really
is Texas and the Little 11. Seriously, even USC wouldn't do that.
So, who else needs an Exorcism? Since he's been in Austin, the Panda has performed 2 circumcisions and a Bar Mitzvah (and that's just last night on 6th Street). He's prepared to assist you with all your spirtual needs.
19-Sep-10    
Sad Panda Rankings are out. Here is the top 5
1 The Exorcism that changed the WORLD!
2 Demon Semen Free "Adidas True Blue Garanimal-like" Shirt & Short
3 The Video Camera sitting on my kitchen counter that currently hosts Beelzebub
4 The Altar hanging on & in front of my wine cellar
5 My first good night sleep since before the start of this College Football season
Currently, the voting is nearly unanimous:
Another Exorcism must be performed
The Altar must stay, although my brother-in-law thinks it should be moved for the road game
The Sad Panda has decided
No more Exorcisms. The last one worked just fine. If the clothing becomes possessed again,
I will perform another exorcism. I believe that excessive prophylactic exorcisms can lead to
consequences similar to antibiotic resistant syphilis. Is this what you sickos want!!!!
The Altar will stay put until I get thirsty or I need clothing.
Not sure how to dispose of a Digital Camera filled with Demon Semen. I will accept your guidance.
So Sayeth the Sad Panda
Click on the Wk 9-18-10 tab below to view the current weeks rankings. There are still too few games to accurately 
calculate rankings, but Ranking Abstinence is now way to go through life.
6-Dec-09    
It's time to toot the Muskrat's horn!!!
Not the USA Today Coach's Poll
Not the Harris Poll
Not the AP Writer's Poll
Not Jeff Sagarin's BCS Computer Poll.
Not Anderson & Hester's BCS Computer Poll.
Not Billingsley's BCS Computer Poll
Not Colley Matrix's BCS Computer Poll
Not Kenneth Massey's BCS Computer Poll
Not Peter Wolfe's BCS Computer Poll
Only the Muskrat's Sad Panda 2009 NCAA FBS College Football Computer Rankings have the identical Top 9
teams and rankings as the final BCS rankings. That's 1 through 9 Baby!
Muskrat's Rankings BCS Rankings
1 1 Alabama
2 2 Texas
3 3 Cincinnati
4 4 TCU
5 5 Florida
6 6 Boise St.
7 7 Oregon
8 8 Ohio St.
9 9 Georgia Tech
See the complete Sad Panda Rankings
Only the Muskrat's Sad Panda 2009 NCAA FBS College Football Computer Rankings had Alabama ranked #1 all season
long. That's ALABAMA. The CRIMSON TIDE. The only BCS ranked school that still has segregated fraternities and
sororities - and no Heisman Trophy winners. All Bama needs now is an Alumnus that tried to steal my wife and they would
hit the Superfecta. Hmm, wait a minute…Roll Tide (you pieces of crap!). The Muskrat does not discriminate against those
that discriminate.
You cynics assume the Muskrat waited until the BCS rankings were announced before "calculating" his rankings. YOU
SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR THOSE DOWNRIGHT SLANDEROUS THOUGHTS! How dare you impugn
this mammal. He has pride and enjoys the respect of all the other non-human college football computer rankers (except
for Petey "The Don't Stick Things Into Your Inner Ear" Badger; but no one likes him - he's a half-eaten urinal cake, and I
don't mean that in the good way).
Remember that the Muskrat sleeps with has own in-house counsel, Nancy "The Nuisance Suit Filing" Hamster. You have
been warned.
The Muskrat calculated his rankings at 7:30 am Sunday morning, nudged Nancy for some pity adult activity, but didn't
publish them until he returned from the UCLA - Kansas basketball game at Putrefied Porkdog Pauley Pavilion - seriously,
DO NOT EAT THOSE HOT DOGS AT PAULEY PAVILION. I much prefer the nachos with the real imitation, transfat
infused, processed, pseudo cheese-like food product. With jalapenos.
The Muskrat is a deity of the highest mammalian proportion. Name any other rodent that could accomplish this feat.
Things to Expect:
Expect USC to announce self imposed sanctions on its Women's Ping Pong team to illustrate to the NCAA
their improved Institutional Control over their minor league football team
Expect Notre Dame to float the name of every football coach that ever had success, just to remind everyone
that Notre Dame still has relevance.
Expect Notre Dame to hire Nyorkjdqbll4 Gklupnxzqwertyui, Jr., the University of East Sinedgrebnesor Head
Coach, who just won the 2009 Planet Xenu -  Isaac Hayes Subdivision College Football Championship, to a 10
year, $45 million guaranteed contract.
Expect UCLA to win at least one more basketball game this year.
Is it fair that Air Force is playing in the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl against Houston on New Years Eve? Do you
really think the Houston Cougars, a bunch of 40+ aging Madonna types, can fly them thar copters better than our Cadets? 
Almost all the bowl games are set. Only one bowl game still needs to determine its final partcipant. After the bowl games
are set, I will create a Bowl Game Contest sheet for you to pick the Bowl game winners. No point spreads just straight up
winners of each bowl game. The contest winner will receive an autographed photo of the Muskrat.
Speaking of the Bowls, remember when Bowl games were played in warm weather cities as a reward for deserving football
teams? There are now 34 bowl games with 68 of the 120 FBS teams participating. It's no longer a reward. Who wants
to play in sunny Boise in late December on a blue carpet (Idaho & Bowling Green)? Which great teams are rewarded
with a trip to Detroit for the Don't Shoot Me Again Little Caesars Bowl (Ohio & Marshall)? Which directional schools drew
the short straws to Play in the Is There Really a Lame Game in Toronto Bowl (South Florida and Northern Illinois, of
course)? Of course, there is the incredible tropical climate of Washington, DC for the Temple - UCLARMY Contest. Yup,
the Army - Navy game will determine if #102 Army or #58 UCLA takes on #52 Temple in the Who Really Gives a Crap
Eagle Bank Bowl in Washington DC. Go Navy?
My favorite Tucky Bowl game so far is January 2: East Carolinatucky vs. Arkantucky in the AutoZone Bowl in
Memphistucky. My 2nd favorite, Clemsontucky takes on Kentuckytucky in Gaylord Hotles Music City Bowl in
Nashvilletucky. My final favorite Tucky Bowl game is Tennesseetucky vs., Virginia Techtucky in the It Ain't Kentucky Fried
Chick-fil A Bowl at the Georgia Dome.
Hobo. I just love that word.